Bring me back when I won’t bother because I just know it myself. Bring me back when you are just you and I adore from my shadows. Bring me back, bring me back that I can hold this.
Have you celebrated Christmas on your own? Are you going to celebrate Christmas this year alone because of the pandemic? Or, are you celebrating Christmas every year alone or with friends? Right off the bat, I want to tell you that I totally understand how it feels. Right now, the entire world is having conversations about nothing but this season - from commercials, movies, special TV episodes from your favorite series, posts from social media.ALL OF IT. Not just that everyone is telling us that this is the time to spend with our family. Since everyone, I mean almost everyone, has a little perfect family they can spend time this holiday with, everyone loves the holidays!
This is likely you’ve been hearing lately, and that’s a shame because whether you lost your loved ones - because they passed on, or they were abusive, or they abandoned, or you left them because you felt unsafe, or they didn’t accept you - you are a special breed who, right now, feel like you do not fit into the expectation of the holiday season. I know, it’s the loneliest feeling in the world.
Most of my life, I’ve fooled around that I wish I could fall asleep for months, sleeping from December 1st and waking up to January 1st, when all of the holidays have come and gone. Believe me, it’s a good stretch of time right there, and for people who are spending the whole holiday alone, whether you’ve spent it alone their whole lives or this is the first year doing so, it can seem like a never ending reminder that you don’t fit anywhere.
But from one longtime holiday loner to another, there are some things I want you to understand and tell that: (1) You don’t deserve this. You’re not alone during this special time because you deserve to be - everyone deserves a great family who adores them and makes them feel safe. I can’t tell you why we don’t have what most of our friends have, but again I want you to know that you deserve every bit of love as everyone else right now. Never doubt this.
(2) You’re not a monster because you hate this time of the year. I will let you know that I hate, more than I can tell you, how much our world neglects people who have a hard time around the holidays. It’s okay, it’s normal. You’re joyless but because you’re in pain. It makes sense you’d want to avoid things that cause you more pain because this is a coping mechanism we have.
(3) You’re allowed to celebrate or not. Whether it is the so-called not acknowledging the holidays at all or crying, wallowing around the corner, I support it. You have every right to spend the holidays that you want to. It doesn’t make you bummer or so whatever. People will never understand how you have chosen how to survive. What’s enough is that you understand it.
(4) More than anything, I want you to know that there are people that care about you, you can add me to that list. I know that you don’t know me but I feel like I feel you. I know that you even lie to people around you to tell them that you have a big party or celebration plans when all you are trying to do is to get overwhelmed by sadness in the reflection of the society’s normal happiness. It’s okay, I lied too.
(5) My hope for you this year, and coming holidays that you are celebrating alone, that for you to remember that you are special, you deserve all the love you need, and also that you are stronger than most the people you know. You probably don’t want to be strong all the time but it is still a sign of character of how you strive everyday, especially today. Be kind to people right, even deep inside your heart that it feels cold and scared.
(6) Lastly, take care. Take care of the part of you that wants a family so badly and it kills you. I know and I understand how you crave for something like that. Take care of the part of you that feels other throughout the holiday season. And more than that, feel proud of yourself! You didn’t let being different from others define you. You’re still here, and one day maybe you’ll have a family of your own and someday you will love this season. Maybe you’’l never like this time of the year. Either way, you’ll still be living here. Sometimes that’s the bravest thing of all.
I wish everyone reading it Happy Holidays and keep striving, you are not alone.
xoxo
After almost a decade of celebrating xmas (holidays) on my own, I’m with mom and I can’t contain all the love I’m receiving. To all those who are still celebrating on their look forward your future looks so bright and you’ll be happy bcoz you deserve it. 🫶🏻
About a year and half ago I wrote a song about an incredible story, the story of a girl who always lived on the outside, looking in. Figuratively and literally. The juxtaposition of her loneliness and independence. Her longing and her stillness. Her curiosity and fear, all tangled up. Her persisting gentleness… and the world’s betrayal of it. I wrote this one alone in the middle of the night and then Aaron Dessner and I meticulously worked on a sound that we felt would be authentic to the moment in time when this story takes place. I made a wish that one day you would hear it. ‘Carolina’ is out now 🥺
Please use this moment to think and to contemplate before casting your votes. Every one, if not maybe it is just me, is terrified and anxious of what you might bring us upon. This election is bringing out the worst and best of politics and public service. Literally.
Just a quick reminder, as a voters and we need to open out eyes for the candidate who has the best interest in our country, we need more than just a leader, we need someone who willing to serve and protect every each one of us. We need to vote for a candidate who cares about us their people more than just a milking cow for their pockets. We need a leader who really cares. When you think about voting for president, please remind yourselves if that person is really what our country needs. Please, take time to stop and take a moment, think about your next six years. Educate yourself before voting. It is not too late.
